I'm Still Here
by lovely-lostmind
Summary: ABC's Once Upon a Time has shown us how Killian Jones became a pirate and later how he became Captain Hook, yet we don't know how his father left him. How he had to grow up with Liam and how he got into the navy. Well this is the story, or shall I say, the prologue, to Captain Hook's life on OUAT. The book is based off of John Rzeznik's song I'm Still Here.


**_I am a question to the world/ Not an answer to be heard/ Or a moment that's held in your arms._**

Pots and pans clattered against the wood flooring of their house, waking Liam with a start. The bedroom oil lamp was casting a soft glow on the walls, meaning it wasn't even far into the night. Liam lazily rubbed his eyes and swung his feet over the side of the bed, letting them cringe as they touched the cold floor.

"Liam?" A sleep riddled voice whimpered from the other side of the small room. Liam shuffled over to the adjacent bed and sat at the edge, stroking his brother's black hair gently.

"Go back to bed Killy," he whispered to the little boy, "All is well, go back to bed."

The little boy blinked bright blue eyes at Liam before letting them flutter close, and drawled out a nod.

Liam sat at his brother's side, stroking his hair and waiting for him to fall asleep. Though it proved to be harder than expected because every time a glass shattered, or a pan clattered, Killian would flinch and move closer to Liam who never moved from his little brother's side, listening to the indistinct shouting from down stairs.

Liam watched as Killian's chest slowed to a gentle rise and fall, then he slowly slipped away from the young boy towards their door. He slowly nudged it open without a creak and noiselessly walked along the wall to the stairs, quietly and quickly dropping to his knees when he reached the top of the stairs, hiding behind the thick wood railing. Fear bubbled in his little heart and rose into his throat at the scene.

His mother was standing next to the wooden dinning table, a nearby oil lamp shone on her face revealing her blue eyes swirling with anger and tears, with her curly hair, brown as chocolate draped around her face, making her look much more pale than she already was. There were glass cups and bowls shattered at the feet of his mother and father, while pans were in various places across the room.

"It's not safe for the boys, Edward!" His mother shouted, slamming her hand into the table.

"Juliet, this is about more than just the boys isn't it," His father said, his tone eerily still and calm, "You're afraid I'm going to leave. Aren't you?"

"By-the-gods, Edward! I know you're going to leave!" Juliet barked, moving a stray strand of black hair from her face, and started speaking again, her voice desperate this time, "Your _friends_, are going to steal you away! I'm sure of it."

"And what makes you so sure about that?" Edward asked, casually rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was leaning against the wall parallel to Juliet, his height casting a shadow comparable of that to a giant in Liam's eyes. He had his favorite pipe drooping from his lip with his arms crossed and a glaze over his wood brown eyes as he stared at Juliet. A knot formed in Liam's chest at his father's coldness.

"Because, Edward, they're _pirates!_" She shouted, frustration now taking over the place of desperation.

"What the bloody hell has that got to do with anything?" Edward growled, making shiver go down Liam's spine.

"It's of importance because you have sons," Juliet hissed, "You have sons who need you more than me."

"Where are you getting this foolish thoughts of me abandoning my family-"

"From you!" Juliet barked, interrupting him, "I overheard you conspiring with Benjamin about a Spanish ship and the loot you guys could leave with."

"And yet-"

"And you were set to leave tomorrow morning, before the sun rose," Juliet said lowly, "It's true, isn't it." A lump formed in Liam's throat, and he tightened his grip around the railing, anger swelled inside of him at the thought of his father leaving without a proper goodbye.

Edward stared blankly at his wife, the same look a thief has when caught off guard, before regaining his cool composure, "I was only going to go see them off."

Juliet scoffed and walked over the base of the stairs, avoiding the shattered glass and picked up a cloth sack that was filled with her clothing and affects. Liam had the urge to run down and stop them, but he couldn't build up the gall to do so, so he stayed in hiding. Confused and scared.

"Juliet," Edward said, worry inching it's way into his words as he took his pipe out of his mouth and stepped to his wife, "What are you doing?"

Juliet slung the sack over her shoulders and started towards the door, "As I said before, the boys need you more than they need me."

"Juliet, wait," He said, stepping forward.

"Mum," Liam whispered words that were lost in the air.

"Are you really going to leave your sons? Liam's nine and Killian is barely five-"

"Yes. Unless you can promise me you'll never leave the boys while I'm here, I'm leaving," Juliet said, weary washing over her, a sight that cut Liam to the core. He wanted to go tell his mother to stay, to tell her they needed her, but he couldn't, he wasn't even suppose to be awake and he didn't want to get into trouble.

Edward stared at Juliet, but he made no indication of any feeling. Juliet sighed, raising her hand to her husband's face, "I'll always love you, Edward Jones."

Edward turned away with a coldness that even young Liam felt from atop the stairs.

"That's not my name," He said turning away and going to his seat next to the fire, "Not anymore."

"I know,_ Mister Edward Thatch_," Juliet said, sarcasm dripping from her words, "But it's the name of you wife and sons. It's a name you should be proud of."

"Just leave me be," He growled, raising his pipe back up to his mouth, "Before the boys wake up."

Before Liam could process what was happening, the door closed and his mother's glow went with her, leaving the house feeling empty while he heard the soft pitter patter of feet behind him.

"Liam? What's happening?" the little sleepy but bright blue eyed boy asked, but Liam quickly shushed him.

"Liam, why are you weeping?" the boy whispered and Liam raised his hand to his face and gently touched to feel a streak of tears on his cheeks.

"Killian, just- don't worry, let us go back to bed," Liam said, being careful to stand up quietly and nudge his little brother towards their room.

"Why did mum leave? Did the eggs expire?" Killian asked quizzically, the dark hall heightened the brightness of his eyes, "Did she go visit farmer Daniel for more eggs?"

Liam shook his head and wiped his cheek, "No, Killy, she's not coming back."

"But why?" Killian asked, his brows furrowing in confusion, "Surely she has to come back."

"No Killian, she doesn't. She-" Liam paused, not wanting to ruin his little brother's image of their mother, "She left to give us our best chance."

"Oh," his little brother murmured as they entered their room, melancholy following them the entire way. Liam was leading his brother to his bed when Killian stopped and turned.

"Liam, can I sleep with you?" Killian asked, looking up at his big brother with his bright eyes that had a blue swirling storm of confusion, fear and hurt.

On the usual, Liam would have rejected the boy, but tonight, he didn't want to sleep alone either.

"Come then," Liam says gently, motioning to his bed and they both climb in.

Within minutes Killian is asleep, clutching at his brother's arm as if he was going to leave in the dead of the night while Liam wished for sleep to come easily. Instead was tortured with long hours and he didn't get to close his eyes till the very first ray of sunshine.

It was the first night without his mother frequently checking on them, and the first morning they awoke without the warm embrace of their mother. It was the first night and not the last.

"Killian! Liam! Get your scurvy arses out of bed," Their father shouted from the kitchen area.

"Killian, get up," Liam hissed, tossing his boot at the sleeping boy across the room who only moaned and turned on his other side. Liam had awoken an hour before and was already dressed, mind you the boot he threw at Killian.

"Killian," Liam said, walking over to his brother and shaking him, "Killian wake up. Father has a surprise for you."

Killian shot up in bed, and turned to Liam, excitement written all over the young boy's face, but slowly diminished, "That's not funny Liam, my birthday is tomorrow."

"Aye, but it got you up didn't it," Liam said with a smirk as he sat on Killian's bed and put his boot on.

Killian shook his head, and got out of bed, quickly slipping into his brown trousers, light blue shirt and leather boots he had laid out the night before, the same articles of clothing that Liam was wearing.

"What do you think father has planned for today?" Killian asked as they walked out of their room and trotted down the wood stairs. Liam still winces every time he passes his hiding spot from three years ago. It still burns in the back of his mind, sometimes he'd have nightmares about it, others he just cried like a lost boy. Killian on the other hand had taken it much more rough, it affected him to a cellular level, so much so that it was as if to cope with the loss, that his mind erased all memory of their mother. It doesn't help that father never speaks of her and has shunned Liam on multiple occasion for trying to bring the subject up.

"Liam," Killian repeated, bringing Liam out of his thoughts.

"Um, I'm not sure. Perhaps, he'll take us to see play," Liam said absentmindedly as they got to the bottom of the stairs to see their father on the on the lounge chair in front of the empty fireplace.

"Father," the boys said simultaneously, standing with their hands behind their back and up straight.

Edward took a while to get out of his seat and turned to look at the boys, giving them a once over to make sure their attire was proper, "Boys, I have some business that needs tending to. I've spoken to John the Blacksmith and he's agreed to let you boys assist him for the day."

Liam felt his heart drop while Killian was shaking of excitement in his boots. Liam was really looking forward to spend much needed time with his father, but of the late, the time has disappeared before his eyes as his father was never home any more.

"Killian, tomorrow for ya birthday, I'll take you aboard a ship," Edward said, and Liam was able to see a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. The first in three years, but Liam wasn't sure what it was.

"Really father!" Killian said, and Liam was sure his little brother was going to combust of excitement.

Edward nodded, "But feel free to sleep in, the captain I spoke to won't let us on till noon."

Killian nodded so eagerly that Liam thought if he nodded any faster his head would come clean off. When Killian finally stopped nodding, their father stared at them for few moments and the boys stood expectantly, waiting for their father to dismiss them.

"That is all," Edward said waving them away as he went to grab his dress coat while Killian ran past him to the door but stopped just before leaving.

"I love you father, I'll see before sunset," and with that the bright eyed ball of excitement was out the door and across the street at the Smith's workshop.

"Liam," Edward said, his voice low, stopping the boy in his tracks, "I need you to promise me something."

Liam stopped and glanced at Killian, who was across the street putting his head inside a barrel, before looking up at his father, waiting for him to speak.

Edward got the notion and spoke lowly again, "I need you to promise me to always look out for your brother. And no matter what happens, never abandon him. Ever."

Liam searches his father's eyes, alarms were blaring in his head. He knew there was something wrong, he felt it in the marrow of his bones. It was unusual for his father to promise anything to them, especially something so special as taking Killian out to the ships, let alone make Liam promise anything. This sudden change in his father worried Liam's heart of only 12 years.

Nevertheless, Liam looked his father in the eyes and saw that there was some concern but not enough for Liam to call loving concern, "I'll _never_ abandon Killian… Like mum and you."

Darkness flushed Edwards face as he lifted his hand with quick intent, however he held it there staring his son down who did not even flinch, "Learn to hold you tongue."

"Why should I deny the truth," Liam hissed, not a single cell in his body was in fear as he turned and proceeded to leave but his father gripped his arm tightly, making Liam yelp in pain.

"Because your words are darts that can be more dangerous than you realize," his father hissed, looking at his son and Liam could see how dangerous he actually was. Yet it didn't stop Liam from yanking his arm out and running after Killian.

"Liam, took you long enough," Killian said happily as his brother came into the blacksmith's workshop.

"Sorry Killian," Liam apologized, but now his heart was heavy. His father didn't deny his accusation.

"Good morn' Liam," John the Blacksmith said, ruffling up the boys hair, "I was _requesting _Killian to clean my tools."

John gave Killian a look which resulted in the boy's cheeks to go flush and to turn back to a table in which tools were splayed out. John turned back to Liam and motioned to a pile of coal, "Do you remember how to crush those?" He paused and when Liam nodded he continued, "Would you be kind enough to do that for me?"

"Yes sir," Liam said and dutifully walked over to his station, every so often stealing glances at his brother to see Killian glancing out the window at the sea. His heart broke for his little brother. He was so young and naive. Not like Liam wasn't young, but he had to grow up faster than most 12 year olds and did not want to same fate to become Killian.

They went on like that the whole day, Liam working diligently while watching to make sure Killian didn't hurt himself trying to clean the tools and the forge. Killian kept asking Liam what the ship would be like and what they would see. Liam humored his brother, answering him, but kept silent about their father, not because he wanted to keep it to himself, but he wasn't sure if his father was truly going to leave both of them behind. No one can be that heartless.

"Your help is much appreciated boys," John said patting the two boys on the back as they cleaned off the grime on their face.

"It was a pleasure Mister John!" Killian chirped, his eyes ever so bright with genuine joy.

"Always," Liam added with a faint smile.

"If you two ever want to keep busy, you can always come here," John smiled down at the boys, then looked up out the window, "You fella's best be getting home though, it's almost sunset."

"Thank you sir," both boys said as they headed out the door towards their house.

"Liam, its almost night!" Killian said, the most ecstatic Liam had ever seen the boy and a shiver ran down his spine at the thought of his bright blues dimming of sadness.

"I know Killy," Liam said then lightly nudged his brother in the shoulder, with a small smile,"I've got eyes too."

Killian pushed his brother back and once they got inside the house, Liam's dread was only growing as their father wasn't there to receive them like other nights.

"Where's father?" Killian asked, as they looked around the dark house. There was no oil burning nor a window open, making the house seem even more haunting.

"I'm sure his work proceeded longer than expected," Liam falsely reassure his little brother as they walked together to the stairs.

"I'll race you to the room?" Liam said, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm not sure you'll be able to-" Killian said with a smile, but took off up the stairs.

"Hey! No fair! Cheater!" Liam called out after his brother who was only a giggling mess.

Once inside the security of their room, the boys changed out of their clothing and into their night attire. While Liam was getting comfortable in his bed, he glanced up and saw Killian sitting at the base of their window that over looked the harbor.

"Do you ever wonder what their life is like?" Killian asked, awe evident in his voice.

"To be honest, no," Liam said, his eyes never drifting from his little brother. Killian is quiet, staring out at the moonlight ocean with it's ships all along the docks and the men still bustling about.

"I do," Killian said, turning to Liam, "Sometimes I'll close my eyes and imagine the adventures I would go on."

Liam chuckled, he always loved how no matter the circumstances, his brother manages to dream.

But his laughter faded when Killian spoke again.

"Liam, why don't you smile like you used to?" Killian asked turning away from the window to face his brother. Silence crept into the room like a familiar stranger, but Liam was at a loss for words.

"Because if I smile, then what are you going to do?" Liam quipped lamely, he was tired so excuse him for not coming up with something much more wittier.

Killian laughed a bit, "I don't smile that much!"

"Killian, get some sleep," Liam chuckled, tossing one of his pillows at Killian, but he manages to catch it and instead puts it under his chin as he looked out the window.

"I will in a little bit," Killian mumbled, Liam watched him for a few moments, but the exhaustion from the days work won out and soon his eyelids were closing.

Killian on the other hand stayed planted at the window, watching his breath fog up against the window. He timed his breathes so that they were in sync with the waves crashing just outside, inhaling when it receded and exhaling when it crashed against the ships. He was only a boy but he knew the sea was calling his name.

The high of excitement started to wear off from the boy and soon his head leaning against the window pane and his breathing slowed as his eyes closed and he dreamed of sailing to far off lands.

"Liam! Liam!" Killian shouted as he woke up with start. His hair was pointed in all ways and his blue eyes, bright with excitement, searched the dark room, but his older brother was no where to be found. He knew something was wrong. Every year on his birthday, Liam would always him up with a box to the ear for every year he's lived. He looked back out the window searching but the faint light of dawn was making it difficult. Yet no lack of light could make Killian mistake his father's signature beard and coat, walking onto a ship. Without him.

Killian's stomach dropped, while his heart rose to his throat, every emotion swirling around in his head. He couldn't control himself and before he knew it, he threw open the door and was bolted down stairs. His father had promised him he was going to take him aboard a ship.

Killian heard, more than saw his brother repeatedly stabbing their wooden table in anger, but Killian ignored him and made straight for the door.

"Killian! Wait! Stop!" Liam yelled after him in vain.

Killian didn't stop. He ran and ran and ran until his little feet could go no faster. His heart was beating at an ungodly rate while tears started to stream down his eyes.

Father promised he was going to take him on a ship.

"Father! Father!" Killian screamed, pain all to evident in his voice. He ran and ran, his father only getting more distant.

He promised him.

"Father! No! Father!" Killian howled, the tears were now blurring his vision and he slips on a rope that had been left out. He fell with a tumble and groan, scraping his elbow and knees. That rope decided Killian's fate as it slowed him down and the poor boy lost much needed ground but he still persisted, quickly getting up and ignoring the splinters and blood that trickled down his knees and legs.

"NO!" He cried out as he got to the edge of the pier reaching out in vein for the boat, but it was too late. His father was aboard the ship getting farther and farther, while Killian watched his father sail away from him. Abandoning him just like his mother.

"You promised," Killian whispered into the air, tears streaming from his dimming eyes as he fell down onto his knees facing the ocean.

A breathless Liam finally caught up with Killian and wrapped his arms around the mess of a boy who just buried his face in his brother's chest.

"He promised," Killian whimpered against Liam's chest as he gripped onto him like a life life.

They were silent, the only sounds were that of the ocean breaking against the harbor and Liam whispering comforting words to his torn brother. They stayed there, in each others arms, Liam didn't dare cry, he had to be strong for his brother. Had to let him know that everything is going to be okay. That they were going to be okay.

Liam pressed his lips against his brothers forehead, and held onto him tightly.

He dimly noticed that Killian had stopped crying all together, no sniffling, nothing.

He looked down and saw that Killian was holding onto Liam but his head was turned staring at the ocean. The sun was slowly coming up, painting an array of beautiful citrus colors across the ocean. Time felt still. The ocean was still. No one was out. Liam truly felt that they were alone. Alone in this world, with only each other.

"Killian," Liam whispered, holding him out at a arms distance, and what he saw nearly made him sob and his heart break in two. Killian's eyes where no longer as bright as they were yesterday and the days before. Liam could swear that Killian's eyes had become a shade darker, like someone had put a lamp shade over them, dimming them to a ridiculous amount.

"Killian," Liam repeated, his voice dripping with sorrow, "I promise, I will never, ever leave you."

Killian just stared at him blankly before a weak smile iced at his lips before he gave up and just buried himself in Liam's chest again.

"It's just us against the world, now."

* * *

a/n: This is just the beginning of Liam and Killian's adventures...


End file.
